For me, one of the hardest parts about my commitment to purity before marriage was waiting to be in a relationship until God brought the right person. I would see other girls that had a boyfriend and wish that I had someone to make me feel special and cherished like that. Sometimes I felt like the only single person left in the world! Here are some practical tips that helped me while I was waiting:
- See Christ as your “Bridegroom.” The Bible has many verses that compare Christ’s love for us to that of a bridegroom for his bride. If you learn that only Jesus will never disappoint you and to find your greatest joy in Him, this can help you to have realistic expectations of your husband one day.
- Pray for your future spouse. He is alive right now on the planet, living, breathing, working. You don’t have to know who he is to pray for him. Pray for his walk with God to be strong. Pray that God will protect him and help him make wise decisions. Pray for his purity and that God will encourage him as he waits. Pray that God will build into his character those qualities that are most important to you.
- Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a future mate. Try to pick things that are Scriptural ideas vs. just preferences. (For example, someone that is faithful in serving the Lord is a lot more important than if he has brown hair or not.) The good thing about a list like this is that it will keep you from rushing into a relationship with someone just because he is available and says he believes in God. You will see what is really important and not waste time in dead-end dating.
- Start a journal where you write down what you are praying for concerning your future husband. You can even write him letters in the journal, letting him know that you are waiting—you’ll both enjoy reading back over them someday.
- Learn basic life skills that will help you to be a good wife someday. Your future husband will be pleased if you know how to cook dinner, decorate the house, and take care of a baby! Learn God’s principles for finances and start implementing them into your life now.
- Work on your relationship with your dad. Don’t wait for him to take the initiative. See if you can leave him an encouraging note, take him to lunch, or have a movie night with him. If your father is not involved in your life, then perhaps you have a grandpa, uncle, brother, or friend’s father that could be a father-figure to you (talk to your mom first to be sure this is appropriate). Ask your dad or an older trusted male if they will meet and give their approval for anyone that would want to date you.
- Guard against books and movies that are focused on romance vs. love. Real love relationships are about honesty, commitment, and honor. If a story is glamorizing sex outside of marriage or following your heart vs. Biblical principles, watch out! Replace this with stories about real love (see next point). Philippians 4:8 provides a good evaluation list.
- Surround yourself with good examples. Ask Christian couples you know about their dating/courtship experience. Read testimonies of people who waited for God’s best. Read good Christian books that encourage you to follow God’s plan.
- Encourage each other. Encourage your Christian friends that God has a plan and pray for one another. Another Christian friend who is also waiting on His best is a good reminder that you are not in this alone. And someday you’ll be rejoicing together at each other’s weddings!
–Mrs. Jennifer Hunt
Ask or Think Ministries