Modesty

by Miss Lauren DeMoss

“Men are pigs?”

Let me preface this by saying, I am a girl. I don’t know what it is like to be a guy. I can talk to guys about it, read books and internet articles, but, unfortunately, I will never truly know what happens to a guy in a relationship or what goes through his mind. Furthermore, I do not believe that every guy is the same, just as every girl is not the same. I can only address what I see as problems with our generation from the female perspective. And since I am a girl, that is where I will start. Because, I truly believe that if we want things to change, and we want to start having successful relationships, we have to start with ourselves. We girls need to work together, and I think that it’s time that we start to expect more.

“Exposed valuables always attract greedy thieves and crooks.” -Ben Sebrell

This issue is touchy, but one that desperately needs to be addressed. “Clothing makes the man…” or, in our case, the woman. Ok girls, yes, SOME men are just pigs, and they are completely responsible for their actions, but did we ever stop to consider why we attract these men? Why men are allowed to be this way? That maybe, possibly, the problem starts with us, and how we present ourselves? It could, at the very least, be minimized by us…

I really believe the problem lies in our expectations, and, girls, it’s not that they are too high. What do we really expect out of the person we are dating, out of the relationship, and out of ourselves? What are we willing to do for or put up with for “love”?

This world is constantly telling us we need to be “sexy.” Every television show, commercial, magazine, and advertisement tells us this. That our only worth comes from what we are in the eyes of the opposite sex. If men think you are beautiful, and check you out at the mall, and ask you for your number or out to dinner, THEN you are pretty special. If you have a man on your arm and by your side, then you are worthy of love. And if not? Well, then you are ugly, fat, and unworthy of love. Harsh, I know, but every single girl has thought that about herself at one point or another.

We push and push and push the message that real beauty and worth comes from the inside and that every girl is beautiful in her own way. This message is wonderful, and completely true, but if we don’t live what we preach then it means nothing. Instead, we lower our standards in the way we dress to attract these men who do not appreciate who we are on the inside. If we do not act and dress as though we are special and beautiful and worthy of love and respect, we will not be treated as though we are. We need to start backing up our message with the way we live and the way we conduct ourselves in our relationships because we are WORTH more.

So why do we put ourselves through this when we know in our heads that “real beauty is on the inside”? Why? Because we would rather believe the lies of the world and the lies of Satan. We may not consciously make that decision, but every time we put ourselves down, or start to feel worthless, or post a sexual and provocative picture on Facebook, we are choosing to believe a lie of Satan over what God has already told us. Our beauty and worth come solely from Jesus Christ’s presence in our heart and lives. But instead of addressing our heart issue, we find and wear the most provocative clothing we can get away with. Then we blame the men in our lives for only wanting us for our bodies, or looking at us in ways that make us uncomfortable… when we are blatantly putting ourselves out on display! Girls, if YOU put it out there, then, sorry, but it’s fair game.

You are in complete control of how men look at you. Expect more.

..from yourself, first, and then the men around you. You literally teach them what body parts they are allowed to gawk at by the way you dress; especially, to guys that have no self-control. We have only a small idea what it is like to have to be a guy, and how hard it is to control what goes through their heads. They are going to look at what you show them, bottom line… or struggle NOT to. That is not what we should be to our brothers in Christ, and we certainly are not going to attract the good guys this way. How can we expect to find a good guy who loves us for our hearts when we shove our bodies in his face? When they find it hard to even look at us without compromising their thought life, let alone spend time in getting to know what is inside of us? When the truly good guys don’t want to be around us because of what we make them struggle with?

The way you dress either demands respect or invites disrespect. There is no middle ground. So often, we feel as though men don’t just deserve our respect; they have to earn it. Even when it comes to dress, it is easier for us to look at a man in a suit, and hold him in high regard right away simply because of the way he presents himself. It is not any different for women.

I am completely a girl, and I love to look pretty and cute and beautiful, but this can definitely be done in a classy, respectful way, keeping in mind the men around you and how you want them to think about you. I don’t dress like a frump, and neither should you! But the way most girls dress and present themselves (especially on social media sites) just does not send the message that they respect themselves and know their inner worth. Girls, good men WILL notice when you do dress in a way that honors God and respects yourself. You don’t even have to say anything. You will not attract the men who only want to see your body, that’s for sure, but is that not what we are sick of anyway?

I am not saying that men are not responsible for what they look at or think…they most certainly are and will answer to God for it, but we girls are a big problem in this area in which we beg for a solution. We need to take responsibility for what we display. Because no matter how strong a guy is spiritually, he is still a guy. God made men this way, and not on accident. God had a plan for men to be the pursuers in the relationship…. to WIN the girl’s heart; not her body. Then, after he wins her heart and commits to her, aka marriage, he gets her body. He is just not going to commit to you if he has nothing to win because you have already given to him.

I’m also not saying that this will stop every man from treating every woman with disrespect, but it is a safeguard against it, and an area where we desperately need to take action. The fact of the matter is we CAN control how we are to be treated, and we are responsible in this area. If we want to be “wanted” for our bodies, then that is a heart issue. However, I’m pretty sure that every girl wants to be loved for everything that is inside of her that is beautiful, not just our physical. In order for this to happen, we need to stand up for ourselves. We need to start expecting more out of the way we dress. Expecting more out of ourselves, so that we can expect more out of the men around us. Let’s raise the bar together, girls. We all need to do our part so that men will figure out how we want to be treated, because of the way we treat ourselves. Together, we will start attracting the good men, and the kind of attention we get because we are beautiful on the inside. Because Jesus Christ calls you more special than what we so often think, let’s live up to His standards.

 

Lauren DeMossLauren DeMoss is a teacher at a Christian school in New England. She dislikes early mornings, spiders, and folding laundry. She likes shoe shopping (or any type of shopping really), ice cream, texting, tweeting {@laurendemoss}, candy apples, and fancy hair products. She loves her family, friends, and more than anything, Jesus. Having grown up in a Christian home, she knows the struggles of Christian young people and the pull of the world on their hearts. She has experienced not only heartbreak, but also the miracle of God’s healing the brokenhearted and binding up their wounds. Her trials have led her to the feet of Jesus and by God’s grace, she knows the peace and love of a life given completely to Him. Most of all, she wants to let people know that they are not alone in their journey on the narrow road. Lauren is the founder and author at thefulltimegirl.com. Through her writing, she desires to point people to Jesus, and encourage and inspire her generation and the next to be courageously and fully abandoned to their Savior. It is really all about Him.

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